I Would Rather Die Running Than Get Eaten Alive By Zombies!
Because you'd rather be safe than dead, and in fact runners have a higher chance of survival when the zombie apocalypse arrives.
There’s no shame in admitting that in your heart of hearts, just the thought of a zombie apocalypse gives you pause. But everywhere you look, someone's issuing warnings about this possibility.
Even the award-winning U.S. News & World Report, a publication known for serious content, recently ran an article about where to go to survive a zombie attack. All of these locations are in America, so if you can get your hands on a plane ticket, do read it now.
But let’s say you’re not afraid to stand your ground and don’t want to leave Singapore. What’s a runner to do? First, bone up on your ZQ (that’s zombie quotient) by reading books and seeing movies that can best prepare you to defend again attack by the undead.
We recommend starting with the popular American drama series, The Walking Dead and then screening the the film Zombieland. Keep going until you’ve seen so many zombie films, you can’t stomach one more.
Next up: Take the Nerdtest’s zombie apocalypse quiz and see where you stand. All of this research is bound to give you confidence that your dedication to fitness and running is going to come in handy should you find yourself in the midst of an invasion that could take place if we don’t care for our planet properly.
Let the zombies come, you say! You can outrun them, which is why being fit and healthy is more important than ever. To make sure you’re equipped to do that, we’ve gathered precautionary tips to help you survive these pesky, flesh-shedding creatures.
Share these seven tips with friends and family so they’re prepared, too. Who wants to survive without having the people you care most about around to help start a new world order?
1. Re-read Darwin’s epic book On the Origin of Species
You’re going to need inspiration to stay healthy and fit because only the fittest will survive, so start by searching for a safe place in which to hide from zombies—a place they'd never find.
Because you'll be hiding out and not going out, it's important to master skills required of an individual removed from society, so as you go about making doomsday plans, read the books Emergency written by Neil Strauss, and How to Survive the End of the World as We Know It by James Wesley Rawles.
2. Create a safe haven
Ever heard of the “bunker mentality”? It refers to chauvinistic defensiveness and self-righteous intolerance, traits you have every right to exhibit when fellow runners laugh or make fun of plans you’re making so you can survive a zombie takeover.
Let them laugh. Instead of wasting time trying to educate them, find a concrete bunker to serve as your undisclosed location—preferably underground. And, whatever you do, don’t tell anyone where it’s located. For all you know, you may already be keeping company with zombies in disguise. Okay. You can tell your mum. But only if you're sure she's really your mum.
3. Make sure your bunker is wide and deep enough
You need a place that is big enough to hold the manual treadmill you’ll install for dual purposes. Without a power source, you’ll need a treadmill that gets you the workout you need to keep your legs strong and your cardio system pumped.
If you’re clever, you’ll also use your treadmill to generate power so you’ve got lights by which to read, clean weapons stowed to repel zombies and continue your overall fitness programme.
After all, you must be prepared to fight off zombies and run for your life if you finally emerge from your bunker to find a whole gang of the undead waiting for you.
4. Stock Up
What sustenance will you require in the bunker to maintain your physique, energy and well-being? Foodstuffs like power bars, reconstituted meal packages available from survivalist websites and a safe water source.
If your bunker is constructed over a well or stream, how clever are you? After all, Sheng Siong, Cold Storage, FairPrice, Giant, Jason’s, Market Place, Huber’s Butchery and food stalls will all be gone, and who wants to fight zombies for tins of fish left in the rubble?
Include zombie repellents in your stash. The undead have a love/hate relationship with odours, so bring two essential herbs – Stinking Nightshade and Purple Passion – and you'll be ready to practise zombie aversion therapy. These herbs are poisonous to humans, so no nibbling, please.
5. Learn to mend your clothing
When the world ends, not only will Orchard Road and Marina Bay be history, but Sim Lim Square, Parkway Parade, Novena Square, Vivocity and even Mustafa Centre will have been obliterated, too, thus the clothes on your back will immediately become your forever wardrobe.
You’ll have plenty of time to mend things using the sewing kit you thoughtfully added to your gear, but you must be diligent about repairs. If zombies find you wearing tattered, ripped and stained clothing, they will assume you've already been zombified, so do learn to keep your clothing tidy so you’re not mistaken for the enemy.
6. Make yourself an Out Bag to survive the first 72 hours after the zombies hit town
The purpose of this bag is to sustain you until you get to your bunker. What to include? The aforementioned food, bottled water, bedding, matches, first aid kit, hygiene supplies, a communication device, those repelling herbs, and importantly, weapons for self-protection.
Zombies must be pounded repeatedly with baseball bats, heavy clubs, sledgehammers and heavy-duty assault weapons if you hope to eliminate them. Feel free to take your cues from among the zombie apocalypse film endings that most impressed you.
7. Undertake a daily workout while in your bunker so your muscles, heart and oxygen levels stay robust
It’s not like you’ve got anywhere to go, so why not add the sit-ups and strength training moves you thought about, but never made time to add? When all's clear, one of the first things you may wish to do after emerging from your hiding place is to thank your treadmill!
Next, start a running club. If you’re going to begin anew, what better way to invigorate survivors than by starting over with a collective fitness activity that brings everyone together in peace and harmony?
If you were hunkered down to stay safe from zombies, what book would you bring along to help you pass time and prepare for the new world order that awaits once they’ve gone?