Dear Serious Runners, Here’s Why I Hate You!

by On Feb 3, 2017

I hate you and then I love you. It's like I want to throw you off a cliff, then rush to the bottom to catch you.

Dear Serious Runners, Here's Why I Hate You!

We are in an age of the health enthusiast. People are looking for sugarless, meatless alternatives to dinner and local parks are cluttered with walkers, bikers and runners. Many of these people live and breathe a healthy lifestyle.

For those of us who are committed enough to roll out of bed and go running at least once a week, we try to focus on one goal. Getting to and from our destination without fainting.

We must remember not to hate the serious runners and understand that the one guy that zooms past you several times while on your trek, may dislike you just as much as you dislike him.

I get it. he's a complete dick and I agree. Here are the 10 most annoying things about this guy. Again, I get it.

I Hate Serious Runners

  1. He gives you the side eye. Every time he passes you, he looks at you as if you're moving slower than a turtle pushing its own shell. It makes you feel like picking up the pace a little but your momentum only lasts a few seconds.
  2. He begins with absolutely no warm up. You spend 10 minutes stretching and preparing to run. This guy takes off right from his car.
  3. Dear Serious Runners, Here's Why I Hate You!

  4. His running wear is inappropriate because he thinks he looks like a fashion model. He may have a great body but his outfits are either too tight or too brightly coloured. The outfit is just screaming, "Look at me!" No one likes an arrogant runner.
  5. He wears compression sleeves and other odd fashion fads like hydration belts. Really? Instead of carrying a bottle of water, this guy has a cool looking gizmo to feed his thirst. I'm not jealous by any means. I'm just a little confused.
  6. Dear Serious Runners, Here's Why I Hate You!

  7. He talks about himself way too much. This guy is killing his running partner with stories of his past runs. He complains about his family and friends that won't participate with him. He also insists that the 10 mile marathon he recently completed was only a warm up.
  8. His shoes cost more than your entire outfit. Who needs to wear $300 running shoes that probably light up and play the theme song to "Rocky" with every step? This guy does and it annoys the heck out of you whenever you see those brightly coloured monstrosities approaching.
  9. He's an Ultra runner by choice. He actually enjoys sprinting 30 miles in record time and he feels a sense of disappointment when he doesn't finish with his average speed. I feel lucky to complete 10 miles within an hour.
  10. Dear Serious Runners, Here's Why I Hate You!

  11. He checks his health during the run. We constantly see him check his pulse without breaking his stride. He may even have a gadget to check his pulse, heart rate and even blood pressure while keeping the exact same pace.
  12. He records his progress, literally. This guy has cameras up the wazoo. There's a camera on his back, one on his shoe and one inserted into the sweatband on his head. He just ran the same 20 kilometers run that he completes on a regular basis. Why does he need to watch footage of it later?
  13. Dear Serious Runners, Here's Why I Hate You!

  14. He looks down on obstacle and fun run racers. Who doesn't love a mud run? The thrill of sloshing through dirty grimy water, climbing through tires, and splashing through to a finish line is exhilarating. This guy feels that obstacle courses are a waste of time and energy.

This guy/girl is probably one that you don't want to be friends with. His/her annoying nature as a serious runner makes you feel less athletic, slower and completely unmotivated.

The most annoying thing about this dick is, you can probably become a better runner by getting to know him.

Nathaniel is a disciplined casual runner and a lover of bananas. As a columnist for RunSociety, he is always on the lookout for exciting and controversial topics that touch the heart of the running community in Singapore, often adding in his funny observations. He has embarked on a mission to start a world class running group in Asia.

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